No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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