my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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