it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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