You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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