You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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