you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk is not a location!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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