She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
