Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
