I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
