actually, I'm a sock model
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drunk is a universal language darling
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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