And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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