How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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