so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
