He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
