nut hugger
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
