There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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