"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
