its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
