I heard we made out
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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