i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
