His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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