Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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