eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
