I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
