Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
