Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
