there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
