It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
