we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
