she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
