saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
