Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize