He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
