Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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