come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
