Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
