I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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