Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize