if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
