wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
