My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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