I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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