what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
