Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
