I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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