that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
