Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
