Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
