You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
