you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
