And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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