party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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