Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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