Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
