It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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