hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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