Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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