She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He passed out mid-signature
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want nice things and good sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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