Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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