would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
