last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
