There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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