I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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