I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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