she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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